Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
