You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
3pm strippers are depressing
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
