So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
