you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
