I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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