If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
