Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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