White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
