Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
