Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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