We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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