where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
