This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
