I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
