im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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