I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
