i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
