how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Randomize
