Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
