This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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