you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
