Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
