So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
