if i can run in heels then i can drive
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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