I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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