Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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