It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
