She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
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