Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
