My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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