omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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