Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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