Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
