Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
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Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
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I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
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