Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
