there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
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