We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
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He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.