i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
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