O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.