Texts From Last Night

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  (586): View more from Michigan

  Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo

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  (586): Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo http://tfl.nu/x92b
  Replies (2) Good night (1265) Bad night (559) Order T-Shirt
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  You can't date a girl from every country.

  (770): View more from Georgia

  I'm the captain planet of women

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  (678): You can't date a girl from every country. (770): I'm the captain planet of women http://tfl.nu/8wp1
  Replies (19) Good night (4915) Bad night (474)
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  (807): View more from Ontario

  I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.

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  (807): I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina. http://tfl.nu/rpnu
  Replies (46) Good night (7205) Bad night (868) Order T-Shirt
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  (917): View more from New York City

  Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.

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  (917): Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub. http://tfl.nu/g66e
  Replies (9) Good night (4416) Bad night (780) Order T-Shirt
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.

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  (815): i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision. http://tfl.nu/h6vg
  Replies (17) Good night (8685) Bad night (832) Order T-Shirt
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  (512): View more from Texas

  Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?

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  (512): Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it? http://tfl.nu/y99r
  Replies (14) Good night (866) Bad night (4097) Order T-Shirt
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.

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  (616): I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse. http://tfl.nu/2ozn
  Replies (3) Good night (1999) Bad night (720) Order T-Shirt
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged

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  (814): when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged http://tfl.nu/78pb
  Replies (16) Good night (4603) Bad night (2606) Order T-Shirt
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  (252): View more from North Carolina

  there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone

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  (252): there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone http://tfl.nu/i05p
  Replies (6) Good night (2315) Bad night (552) Order T-Shirt
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles

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  (847): I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles http://tfl.nu/eek8
  Replies (9) Good night (1510) Bad night (451)
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  (916): View more from California

  My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.

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  (916): My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina. http://tfl.nu/c849
  Replies (16) Good night (2501) Bad night (400) Order T-Shirt
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.

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  (403): They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again. http://tfl.nu/2yc4
  Replies (5) Good night (483) Bad night (1158) Order T-Shirt
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  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.

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  (506): Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies. http://tfl.nu/zmgn
  Replies (2) Good night (1269) Bad night (342) Order T-Shirt
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.

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  (505): It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row. http://tfl.nu/22so
  Replies (6) Good night (172) Bad night (437) Order T-Shirt
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?

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  (515): When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education? http://tfl.nu/w56v
  Replies (2) Good night (666) Bad night (137) Order T-Shirt

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