I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Randomize
