I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
