i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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