Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
