I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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