he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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