Pappa wants mamma naked
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
