I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
In America we eat man semen.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
