Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
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