I just pynch a tree in the face
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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