my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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