Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
