Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
being pregnant is like rehab
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
