I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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