You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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