what day is it and did you see me today?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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