Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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