I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
