Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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