I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
