I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
