He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
