I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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