you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
