He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
