Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Randomize
