mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
