I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
