I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
We had to coat check the pizza.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
