Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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