3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
ya dads aren't the best wingmen
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
