Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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