I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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