dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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