TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
you made out with another girl for some wings
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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