Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
